HallowRewind Review – All Hallow’s Eve (2013)
What utter garbage…
Alright, let’s get into it.
This is the kind of thing ralphthemoviemaker would rip apart—a cheap, lazy, plotless conglomeration of nonsense. And it’s not even deconstructionist, like Terrifier (review linked below) was. The production value isn’t there, I hate all these characters, and the effects suck. It’s got all of the “““““““chills””””” (god, how I use that term hesitantly), and none of the charm.
The first skit… Yea, this movie is actually about people watching a movie. How meta… As I said, this is so plotless that we have to watch other people watch something—and that something isn’t even that good! These people…can’t act. Throughout all the “skits”—that’s, basically, what they amount to, they’re so incredibly bad—but especially the first and second ones, we have terrible actors acting terribly. I just don’t care about these girls. We have no context or built-up tension.
The second skit treats us to the bargain bin version of the Predator, complete with mime-like stalking tactics and an amazing face-mask. This second one made me want to kill myself… It’s literally this woman home alone, having just moved into a new house, unpacking, and something…crash-lands in the back yard? But, we don’t know that until she says it? It looked like someone just shined a flashlight on the wall. Another careless, cardboard short.
Then, we’re treated to something famil— Wait just a minute……… The third skit is just the opening to Terrifier! Damien Leone—the director—made a short film that, iteration after iteration, became refined into the still-on-Netflix Terrifier: A coherent, lovably-schlocky, deconstructionist horror-slasher with excellent SFX and cinematography. Having already watched the better film, though, I feel…gipped. Honestly, I’d re-watch the 2017 adaptation over again, if held at gunpoint. At least that one looked good had something to say…
This thing was probably only made on a $1,000 budget.
*checks IMDb*
Oh, god… The Database has this thing listed as having a $20 production budget. Yep…$20. Honestly, it shows.
The music sucks, too—probably gotten from a stock website. I don’t even care to look on IMDb to see if that’s true or not. The composer should work extra-hard at his day job, because this clearly isn’t working out for him. It’s all shot like garbage, too—tonally-inconsistent, the palettes are all off, and…what was that establishing shot of the house in the second skit?! If I didn’t know this was directed by the same guy that did Terrifier—the far-superior, spiritual sequel—I’d have to guess a kid shot it.
This is a short one, but I have…nothing else to say. I’ve wasted enough time on this trash. Final ‘Risk Assessment: /*****. Look at that, a first for my blog—zero-out-of-five.
Happy Halloween.
